On the fence...

Before I even kick off the blog, I want to start by saying that I wrote this a week ago.  Ironically, this week has been one of those "fell off the fence" kinds of weeks, so this could not have come at a more perfect time...

Imagine a fence.  On one side of the fence are the women that have made the decision to stay at home and raise their children.  On the other side of the fence are the women that have made the decision to focus on their career.  Making such a clear-cut decision allows a woman to focus their energy on one thing and be great at it.  I am not saying that these decisions are “easy” and don’t have their own set of challenges, just that they are well-defined.  But what about those of us that want to be both a full-time mom and a successful career woman.  We don’t belong on either side of the fence.  What about those of us who choose to live “on the fence”?  

The moment I had children they became my number one priority and focus.  But, that didn’t change the fact that my career is a huge part of who I am.  I have always done really well at my job, even during times of complete chaos in my personal life.  There was a time when I was a complete mess and my success at work was something (one of the only things, actually) that I continued to do well at and that made me feel good about myself.  Because of that, and because I am so proud of what I do, my job means a lot to me.  Don’t get me wrong, if my life was a scale and my career was on one end and motherhood was on the other, I would always prefer that the scale tip in the favor of motherhood.  No doubt.  But that doesn’t mean I am ready to give up my career altogether.

Usually the decisions that we make in life don’t impact our other decisions so directly.  But being a parent and achieving success in your career is like trying to be a professional athlete in two different sports.  The relationship is inverse.  Every bit of energy and focus that you give to one is energy that is taken from the other.  Only a very few people can be completely successful in both areas.  And, unfortunately, I am not the Michael Jordan of motherhood.  If I need to focus on my kids, I am not usually stellar in my job.  If I need to focus on my job, my poor kids usually have a much less patient mom.  

So, I have been asking myself “how do I balance on the fence?”  I have thought a lot about this and I have come to the conclusion that the concept of total balance between work and family is pure crap.  I apologize to every self-help author that has focused on this, but I don’t think that such balance can exist.  We can’t be it all.  We constantly have to make decisions that put us on one side of the fence or the other, although what side we are on may change from minute-to-minute.  And the fact that there are books, seminars, and the like out there telling me that this balance can exist just makes me feel so much worse and annoys me.  So, I am here to tell all of you out there don’t feel like you are failing in any way just because you can’t seem to achieve balance!  I think that true balance is achieved when we are at peace with the decisions that we have made.  So, for those of you who have made or will make the decision to be both a mom and a career woman, go ahead and live on the fence.  I can promise you that you will fall on you’re a^&…often.  But just get up, dust yourself off, and hop back on!

Until next time…