Is your reflection a friend? or a foe?

Last week I was on the elliptical for an hour and I kicked a$%.  I had a great workout and it felt great.  Prior to going to the gym I looked in the mirror and was horrified by the 13 extra pounds that I have acquired thanks to my 2 beautiful girls (they'll get theirs someday).  I can finally admit to myself that those 13 lbs have not manifested themselves in the form of huge boobs or bigger feet.  Unfortunately, the weight has evenly distributed itself around my middle, in that little wing that hangs down when you lift your arm to wave to someone, and in my bum. Any leftovers have rounded out my face.  Lovely.  But at least my horror motivated me to get to the gym.  I really, REALLY needed to work out.  So, I did.

After my workout, I came back upstairs (I was traveling for work, so I was at a hotel) and hopped right in the shower.  When I came out I was faced with one of the cruelest design decisions that every hotel interior designer seems to have made...the mirrored closet doors.  My first reaction was to look away but eventually I forced myself to take another look. And, you know what?  I actually looked better than I did before I went to the gym.  A little thinner.  A little more toned.  Those 13 pounds looked more like 10! 

I am a very smart girl.  So, I obviously knew that I didn't really shed any pounds on my hour-long cardio craze.  My abs were not any toner and my butt was not a little tighter.  I just felt better and therefore what I saw looked better to me.

What I see when I look in the mirror depends entirely on how well I have taken care of myself and how good I feel.  That in and of itself is motivation to make healthier choices.  Feeling good boosts my self-esteem which in turns makes me feel even better. 

For those of you with good memories, I realize that I haven't posted my weight yet.  I still haven't gotten a scale, but I will give you the weight from a dr's appointment this week...143.  It is going to take a lot of workouts for me to look in the mirror and see 115, huh?  UGH!!!

Until next time...

I want to be runnin' when the sand runs out...

Today I was inspired by one of my favorite bands (thank you Rascal Flatts).  I woke up this morning with a slight headache due to a few glasses of vino with some co-workers last night and I missed my morning workout.  Not my best day.  But, I was reminded that my goal to feel better goes way beyond a dinner plate or a gym.  The Rascal Flatt's song "Sand Runs Out" came on the radio.  The concept of the song is that some of us go through life without ever living it and before we know it, our time has run out.  Usually I just hear the tune of a song and don't pay much attention to the words (for example, I caught myself singing "sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me" during a recent dance party with Mia...going to have to watch what I listen to from now on).  But today I really heard the message of the song.  The words really struck me.

The thought of running out of time and chances really scares me.  I always tell myself that I am going to make changes and then I don't make them.  I don't know why I don't make them.  I just don't.  I could tell you that I'm just too busy with a husband, and kids, and a full time job. A house, friends and family to see, and then there's always sleep.  And it is true that I am busy.  But I know from experience that when I want to do something, REALLY want to do something, it gets done.  Just ask my husband.  It drives him crazy.  So I have to wonder, does that mean that when I don't follow through that I didn't really want to make the change in the first place?

There is one part of the song that goes as follows:

Cause people do it everyday
Promise themselves they're gonna change
I've been there, but I'm changing from the inside out
That was then and this is now
I'm a new man, yeah, I'm a brand new man

I realize that making a lifestyle change has to go way beyond what I put in my mouth or sweat out of my body.  Taking better care of ourselves has to come from caring more about ourselves.  Otherwise, what will make the resolution stick? 
Until next time...

I wouldn't expect to run a marathon without training...

I have to be honest (afterall that is the point of the blog), I am really struggling to live healthier.  Yesterday I got Wendy's and today I have eaten about 15 tootsie rolls.  I had to physically put the tootsie rolls in the trash and cover them with other trash to stop myself from eating them.  I covered them with other trash  because I actually contemplated taking the tootsie rolls out of the trash to eat more.  They are wrapped, after all, so the other trash wouldn't really "dirty" them.  Right?  Even as a type I am wincing at the thought of eating candy out of the trash (I do have 2 babies in diapers afterall...wouldn't be pretty).  Why is this so hard??  When I eat better and I exercise I feel so much better, physically and mentally.  So why can't I just make the changes that I need to be better everyday?

Making any life change is extremely overwhelming and can be very intimidating.  Fitness and health are particularly hot topics and there is no shortage of books, websites, tv shows, concepts...all with different things to think about and interesting pieces of information.  Where do you even begin?  Do you go to a meeting and count points?  Do you just start focusing on portion sizes?  Is organic the way to go?  Should you order meals that come to your house pre-cooked?   And, what do you do at parties or on vacation or at a night out with your friends?  What if your married and your husband or wife doesn't care to join you (or even worse eats like crap and stays skinny)?  There is just too much to think about.  It is just easier, at least for me, to revert back to what I know...eating like crap.  But this time I am determined to make a change.  I have been making small changes, little by little.  And I know that eventually those small changes will add up.  Even if I do have the occassional tootsie roll binge.

I wouldn't expect myself to run a marathon without training for it.  How can I expect myself to make a major life change without the same amount of hard work?  When training for a race there are learning curves and growing pains.  There are weeks when you do a little more and weeks where you just don't feel like doing as much.  But, you try to stick as closely as possible to your training schedule and just keep pressing on until race day arrivesObviously in my real life scenario there is no race day, but the idea is still the same.  You have a goal and you work towards it little by little.  You start out with a single mile and before you know it you are running more than you ever thought that you physically could. 

Writing today's blog made me realize that I may need to have some measurable goal to strive for.  I said that weight loss wasn't my motivation and it still isn't.  But maybe monitoring it will help to keep me moving forward and give me an opportunity to celebrate real, tangible victories. I plan to post my current weight in the next few days.  I am not psyched about it since I have just had two babies back to back.  But, I think it will help if I can publically track my progress.  I just have to buy a scale (no - I am not kidding.  I don't have one).

And, who knows, if I could eat like crap and be in moderate shape maybe I can really work at it and look like a freaking rock star!

Until next time...

Sure I could be a little better. But I could be a lot worse too. I’ll take a little over a lot, thank you.

Like most of America, I have been on vacation celebrating the fourth of July. Happy Birthday America!  Vacation is wonderful but it is not the ideal time to be practicing a healthy lifestyle.  And since I only recently started my journey, I really didn’t want to screw up.  I was extremely optimistic that I could stay on track while we were away.  I packed lots of healthy foods and workout clothes (although the truth is that we were in New Hampshire and workout clothes tend to be what I would wear anyway).  I brought my sneakers and my ipod.  I made Steve make room in the car for the jogging stroller.  I had big plans.  I envisioned cooking at home every night; fresh fish and locally grown vegetables.  I saw myself running along the beach with the girls in the morning and taking long strolls through the neighborhood with the whole family at night.  I even contemplated looking at local yoga studios to see if I could take a class or two while I was there.  Things didn’t exactly happen the way that I hoped.

Instead, I spent a lot of time lounging on the deck at the house or on a raft at the beach.  I ate a burger and fries when we went out to dinner one night.  I kept the maker of Corona in business.  I only took my sneakers out once…to get to something else in my suitcase.  And, the jogging stroller is still packed in the car (Steve is still annoyed with me for making him pack it so I don’t think he is going to be the one to unpack it).   

I was feeling really guilty about the fact that I have made this resolution to get healthier and yet I wasn’t being very healthy.  I realized that guilt wasn’t going to help me to get back on track, so I started to think about all of the things that I did right this week:

I made it a point to snack on lots of fruits and vegetables throughout the week.  Whenever I drank coffee, I held the sugar.  I didn’t drink soda but I did drink lots of water.  And, a benefit of vacationing in New Hampshire, a lot of the food that we bought was locally grown, raised, or produced. 

I realized that there is no doubt that I could do a little better.  But, I could also be doing a lot worse.  I’m not saying that as long as I don’t have to be hoisted out of bed by a crane that I am going to be happy with where I am at.  What I am saying is on my spectrum of best to worst, I am a hell of a lot closer to being my best than being my worst.  

Until next time…