It's not me. It's you.

I’m funny.  Really, I am.  I love to laugh and I love to try and make other people laugh.  I think it is a coping mechanism and how I manage to get through everything from the typical day-to-day stress to the more serious situations.  I think laughter is extremely powerful (if you have heard my loud and unique laugh - you also know that my laughter IS extremely powerful).  Just one little joke, even though it may seem trivial or dumb, just one reason to laugh out loud and make something that felt so serious seem so silly, can change your whole outlook. It is so important that we do our best to make light of things and not to get bogged down in life...ESPECIALLY MOM LIFE.  Because, let’s be honest, there is nothing more crazy than the day-to-day life of a mom.  If you can't laugh at it, you might cry.

But, this blog is not about why laughter is important.  I shouldn’t need to convince anyone of that.  It's about people's reactions to my attempts to be funny.  I try to make light of situations at home, at work, with my friends.  And, I think a lot of people recognize what I am doing, just trying to make my day (and maybe theirs) a little more entertaining.  But, recently, after being told to "tone down my laugh" I became really self-conscious.  Of course, when this happened, I felt really stupid.  Being someone that is really concerned about what other people think of me, I am constantly worried.  So I worried about looking dumb and I started to filter what I did and said and held back on the jokes, especially at work.  But that is so boring and so, SO not me!  So after a while of trying to "tone down my laugh" I came to the conclusion that the real problem is not me, it is them.   Let me just repeat that...IT IS NOT ME, IT IS THEM.  Some people are very serious and they can’t appreciate my humor.  Sorry not sorry, I like having fun and I love to laugh, loudly. And I think that is a really, really good thing.  I might not be everybody's cup of tea (we all can't have senses of humor, I understand), but who cares??

The point of this blog is just to remind people, especially women since we tend to internalize everything, that when people have a problem with who you are or what you are about it is exactly that .. their problem.  It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you.  (Disclaimer: If you are serial killer or something equivalent then there probably is something wrong with you and this blog really doesn't apply, but for everyone else...) It just means that they don't get it, they don't get you.  Oh well.  Their loss!!  No one is perfect.  There is no perfect woman, mother, or career person.  We all have our "things" that drive other people crazy.  My laugh might be a perfect example.  But the people that matter, they see those other things.  The bigger and better things that make us special.  They take the good with the bad.  They may even appreciate the "bad".  So don't try to change who you are or be something different just to impress. 

This is so, so important for moms. With moms, there is this added layer of trying to be the "perfect" mom and we need validation that we are doing it right.  Well, let me tell you, my true self is NOT a perfect mom.  I love my kids, but I struggle with typical mom things.  I'm sure that some people judge me for missing things when I travel for work or for my style of parenting (which is probably a lack of a style, if I'm honest).  And I definitely worry about that.  But the truth is I can only be the woman and mom that I'm made to be, not one that everyone will like.  Some people will agree with how I do things (and like my laugh) and some people won't.  It's hard to be ok with that but you just have to be or you will burn yourself out!  Just be you and stick to it. If you need a little more convincing, just know that I am ok with whatever you do (again, unless you're a serial killer - I am NOT ok with serial killers).

Hopefully after you read this blog you will have a little more confidence to be who you are, in general and as a mom.  If you are bothered because someone doesn’t appreciate you for who you are (or, like in my case, doesn’t find you funny), just remind yourself it’s not your problem it’s theirs.  And, in keeping with the spirit of this, let other women be their self without judging them (SO IMPORTANT).  So you keep being you and I'll keep telling my jokes and laughing obnoxiously.

Until next time…

Drinking on a school night...

It’s been a while since I blogged.  And, to be honest, it’s because I have been in a funk.  Down in the dumps.  Not feeling so hot.  Under the weather.  Whatever way you put it, I have not been in a good place.  Don’t get me wrong, I really love my life.  I feel totally blessed to have such an awesome family, such great friends (old and new), my health, my (itsy-bitsy) house, and my job.  I am pretty damn lucky.  But now and again I just get in to a rut and I need some time to regroup and get out.  It doesn’t help that this time Steve seems to be in a rut too (and two ruts don’t make a right…don’t hold the horrible joke against me, I’m struggling here!).  My rut usually consists of a general lack of motivation, feeling really tired, and just being kind of moody (I can just hear my husband’s voice making a wise-ass comment about how this sounds like me EVERY day…haha).  I stop wanting to run, it makes focusing to work nearly impossible, and I choose to spend any downtime that I do have planted on my couch watching really, really stupid tv (let’s be honest, though, even on my best days I am certainly not watching cnn) instead of being a productive member of society.  And, since I have been feeling this way for a couple of weeks, I have been slacking on my blog.  But, I realized today that my blog might be just what I need to snap out of this!  So, tonight I have poured myself a big glass of malbec with the intention of pouring my thoughts and feelings out on paper… 

So, I am getting older and drinking during the week is not the norm for me.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my margaritas and my mojitos…on a Friday.  And, I couldn’t enjoy my date night dinner without my red wine…on a Saturday.  But, Sunday through Thursday I usually stick to water, milk, and an occasional soda (WOOHOO).  I just can’t hang like I used to.  So I was hesitant to consider drinking a glass of wine tonight.  But as I sit here writing, drink in hand, I have to admit it feels good.  I feel a little bit of freedom.  As a mom, wife, and career woman I think I lose that sometimes.  I get so caught up in working, kids, keeping the house clean (which is usually an epic fail anyway), keeping the kids clean (not usually an epic fail, but not necessarily a success either), and all of that other boring stuff called life that ranges from doing taxes to grocery shopping, I don’t usually get to do a whole lot for myself…like sip a glass of wine while relaxing on the couch.  Tonight just the small act of pouring myself a glass, before I even took a sip, has already made me feel a little bit better.

As I get older, it becomes easier and easier to live my life for other people, to care for other people (i.e., my munchkins), and to get overwhelmed by my to-do’s.  But, at the end of the day, it is really the little things that make me happy and keep me sane.  A glass of wine, a run outside in the spring, a pedicure, reading a book…all of these things make me so happy.  But, they seem to be the things that I can’t find time for and the first things that I let slip when I get in to one of my funks.  Ironic.  But all it takes is one of these things, a reminder of what I love about life (outside of my family), and I seem to get back on track. 

So, thank you.  Thank you for reading my blog and giving me an excuse to write.  And thank you for giving me a reason to pour a glass of red on a school night.  Hopefully reading this will motivate you to grab yourself a glass of red (or whatever your guilty pleasure may be), sit down on your couch and drink it.  Just for you…as if it were a Saturday.

Until next time…

It's all relative...

Last week Steve and I had a meeting with our financial planner.  We had already rescheduled twice due to the stomach bug (first our family and then his), so we were pretty committed to following through with this meeting.  The meeting was scheduled for 5 and Steve’s dad (aka, papa) was coming over to entertain the girls until the meeting ended.  The hope was that we would could get through the meeting with minimal interruptions from the girls.  The reality was that I knew that this was a disaster in the making for several reasons.  The meeting was right smack in the middle of dinner time and the girls would be cranky, our house is tiny and there was no way that we were going to meet with the financial planner without being interrupted, and I wasn’t sure how the whole diaper situation was going to play itself out (since that is not papa’s specialty).   So, if we could get through the meeting without any meltdowns, injuries, or pee on the floor, I would be happy. 

So, just as I expected the house was in a complete state of chaos for the entire meeting.  The girls were running around us and playing very loudly, making it very hard to discuss anything (never mind our financial matters).  And, to top it off, at one point during the meeting Mia actually called me in her room because she had taken off her diaper which she had pooped in and needed my help to get her cleaned up (amazingly this did not result in the pee or poop on her floor).  It was nuts!  I literally had one ear listening in on the meeting and the other listening in on the girls.   Up and down.  Up and down.  Grab a bottle, talk about 529 options.  Change a diaper, discuss our budget worksheet.  Change the girls in to pjs, talk about converting our monthly overage in to some type of savings plan.  Get teeth brushed, talk about Roth IRAs.  My head was spinning.  But, I got through it and got the girls in bed...and I did it all without any meltdowns, injuries, or pee on the floor as I had hoped.  Success!!  (For me, anyway.  However, I am sure that my financial planner left wanting to fire us and never, ever wanting another baby.)

Everything, including what people consider success, is relative.  What another parent might look at as a completely chaotic situation, I looked at as a great success.  I recognized what was out of my control and didn’t have any expectations about those things.  The reality of my situation is that I have two really little kids.  I can’t predict their behavior and I certainly can’t control their moods.  Sometimes things go smoothly and sometimes they don’t go at all.  I just never know.  So, I have learned the only way for me to enjoy life is to have absolutely no expectations about how it will work out.  Setting expectations about things you have absolutely no control over (i.e., two very strong-willed toddlers) is a waste of my time and a guarantee that I will end up disappointed.   So I have made a habit of just letting things plays themselves out rather than assuming that they will go perfectly and being disappointed when they don't.  This seems to help me take all of the missteps in stride.

I have heard other people say that if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans...I say if you want to make God laugh, tell Him about the time your two year old handed you poop (sans diaper).

Until next time…