I recently read an awesome
blog/article about how, as women and moms, we take on so much mental baggage. Without any intention, we take on all the
things. Birthday party planning, family
Christmas, or whatever, gifts, dentist appointments, doctor appointments, vacation
packing, after school playdates, running to TJ Maxx before work to buy the stupid
white shirts that they need for tie-dye day at camp (sigh…that one is all too
fresh). You get my drift. Over time we somehow become the task master
and gate keeper for everyone in our family, even our pets. And IT. IS. MENTALLY. EXHAUSTING. Instead of just worrying about the million and
one things you need to think about for yourself, you are now worrying about that
times the number of family members. I’m
not really sure how, why, or when this happens.
No one ever asks us to become this person and none of us set out with
the intention of taking on all of this extra stress. Even my husband doesn’t realize that it’s
happening or what’s on my plate most days. Either that or he realizes how good
he has it and doesn’t want to rock the boat.
Hard to tell, really, but for my sanity we will go with the former.
You would think that,
with all we have going on at home, we would use work as a reprieve. Work is the place where we do NOT have to do
all of the things because…as my good friend Allison always says “you have
people for that.” As we climb the ranks
and have people to delegate work and tasks to, work becomes the place that we
could actually free ourselves from some of that mental stress. But is that what happens ladies? NO! Of
course not. Once that wife and mother
instinct kicks in, it seems to seep in to all areas of your life, work included. Instead of being the boss-CEO we were made to
be, we somehow become what I like to call the MOM-E-O. Let me explain what that means…
A MOM-E-O is any woman who
brings her wife or mom instincts in to the workplace. This means that, similar to home life, she
takes on all of the things:
No one is project managing
that project…I should do it.
Nancy’s out for surgery…I
should organize a flower arrangement to be delivered to her.
Ben is out sick with the
flu…I should check in on him to make sure he’s feeling better…I should also take
the project off his plate, because it’s probably too overwhelming for him. (Poor
kid!)
I should schedule a
meeting with the team to discuss the 2020 budget, even though that’s not my job. Everyone else is so busy.
I’ve noticed that Jessica
is struggling to keep up…I bet I can review that document that has been on her
plate for weeks now. (She did just break up with boyfriend!)
It’s been a while since
the team has been rewarded…I should schedule a luncheon so morale doesn’t get too
low.
Do any of these things
sound familiar to you (even if you don’t do them consciously)?? Don’t get me wrong, all of these are very
kind things to do. But are they
reasonable? Especially when you add them
on top of the mental stress that is already there? Now, instead of managing just your husband
and kids, you are managing a whole office worth of people. Your staff become like your pseudo-kids, you
bosses like your pseudo-husbands. WHY
ARE WE DOING THIS TO OURSELVES?? This we
can’t even blame on our husbands and partners.
This one is all on us.
As women we feel this
need to fix things. To fill the gaps
where we see them. Even they aren’t our
problems to fix or our gaps to fill. I
don’t know if it’s science or our culture that embeds this in us, but it’s in there. And it’s not a bad thing as long as it doesn’t
start to take a toll on us. So how do we
fix this going forward? I don’t have an
easy answer, but I am working to create better boundaries for myself. And you should too. So next time “Ben” has the flu, shoot him a get
well soon email and call it a day. Next
time you realize no one is managing a project, tell someone to manage the
project. Start small. Set some boundaries. Be a little selfish. Like Tay says…
Girl, there ain't no I in
team, but you know there is a ME!
Until next time…
