The title of today’s blog is not meant to be clever in anyway. It is a literal description of what I see when I look in my car. Well, that and some hardened munchkins, a few cases of bottled water, some kids toys thrown on the floor, and the dust that has built up on the dashboard. Every time I see these things, it feels like a little reminder that I can’t do it all. And, in a strange way, it feels like I have failed.
I don’t mean for this to read so dramatically. I just want to be as genuine as possible. It really bothers me that I can’t do everything…perfectly. I can’t seem to keep my house clean (picked up, yes, but clean, no), I don’t get my clothes tailored, I always forget to get my eyebrows waxed, if you look closely at the girls’ strollers and high chairs you will see the same crumbs that plague my car, my briefcase is very disorganized, and my computer keys stick because the key board is so dirty. All of these things bother me but I can’t seem to change them no matter how good my intentions. After all, I work at least 50 hours a week, I have a 1- and a 2-year old (and a 30-year old, if husbands count), a dog, and a house, and I do try to fit running and exercising somewhere in that mix. It’s not like I have a ton of idle time. But I look at other women that I know and they DO manage to balance all of these things.
Take the women that I work with, for example. They work the same amount of hours that I do, some more, and most have anywhere from two to four children. However, their suits are tailored, their briefcases are organized, their computers look brand new, and most of them are incredibly health conscious and exercise on a regular basis. Or take some of my mommy friends, for example. Their houses are both clean and look professionally decorated, their strollers and high chairs look like they just rolled out of Babies ‘R Us for God’s sake, their Seven jeans are perfectly tailored, and their cars are “right off the lot” clean. These women appear to have it all figured out. So what’s the secret?? Why don’t I know it??
Some days I feel like that stereotypical working mom from the movies. The one that goes to the big meeting with baby food on her suit lapel. Or the one that sends her kids to daycare without shoes Or the one that drives away with her briefcase and coffee on the roof of her car. It looks comical in a movie, but it doesn’t feel that way in real life. It is frustrating. (Well, honestly, it is funny in hindsight...just not in the moment.)
Some of you might not get this. Why would someone beat themselves up over a messy house or car or the like? Sounds ridiculous! I recognize that, logically, it is pretty silly. But I want to be able to do it all and be it all. And when I can’t, it bothers me. I want to feel like I am doing better than “just getting by” at work and at home. I would even settle for a clean car. UGH.
Until next time…
Danz, I walked by a car the other day that had stickers all over the window in the back seat. I immediately thought to myself, "Why would any parent give their kids stickers in the car? I will never let my kids do that..." The truth is, who knows what I'd do when I have kids just so they will be occupied and quiet in the car? Honestly, to the outside world, you seem to have it all together. Whatever you feel on the outside is just in response to the pressure that you put on yourself to be "perfect." I already think you're perfect, and I'm sure there are many people who agree <3
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