Hashtags and Follows and Likes, Oh No...

In an attempt to get my blog up and running, I have been trying to up my social media game and it is a lot harder than I thought.  First of all, I really suck at it.  I love posting the occasional picture, but it feels so daunting to try to post everyday with something just as good as, or better than, the day before.  Second, I feel incredibly vulnerable putting myself out there day after day.  It is scary knowing that people are judging me (and maybe even unfollowing me – so harsh!) based on a series of pictures.  Nothing more.  Just pictures.  But here’s the real issue…my objective in writing my blog is to help other moms stop putting pressure on themselves to be perfect.  I really want to be authentic in what I write and post, to let others know just how messy and crazy my life as a working mom of three is.  I don’t think it should all be neat and pretty because motherhood may be rewarding but it is not glamourous.  But I'm realizing SOCIAL MEDIA IS ALL ABOUT THE IDEAL!   I'm finding it really hard to stay authentic while keeping it interesting. And, even worse, for a bit I was totally getting caught up in what other accounts looked like...

For any of you that use Instagram, you are well aware of what some of the most successful (in terms of number of followers) accounts look like.  They are absolutely beautiful.  Literally.  They look like something out of a magazine.  Especially the mom accounts.  Beautiful parents in beautiful clothes with cute kids also beautifully dressed, all smiling at the camera in beautiful places.  Honestly, kudos to these parents because I don’t even look as good on my best day as some of these women do two days post-partum.  I am not criticizing the owners of these accounts AT ALL.  In fact, I envy them and what they can do aesthetically.  But, the rest of us shouldn’t misconstrue this for real life…which is really tough.  For example, when I look at an account named “keepin’ in real mama” (honestly just made that up – might steal it someday) and see a gorgeous woman standing on a beach on an island in Greece in a white bikini, flowing caftan, with long flowing hair, and a big straw hat, holding a toddler wearing a completely impractical but adorable beach outfit in one hand and a champagne flute in the other, I can feel “less than”.  I mean, she's keepin' it real, right???  It doesn’t help when I look up from my phone to see a house in complete shambles and realize that I am wearing the same worn out running pants I had on the day before and that my scalp hurts from being in a top knot all week.  And I don’t think that I am alone in this. 

Everyone wants to be that mom on the beach in Greece with well-coiffed kids who never seem to misbehave (at least once in a while), but that isn’t real.  It may be real for five, ten, or even fifteen minutes during a photo shoot, but it’s not long term real.  These accounts should be something enjoyable to admire, but we have to remind ourselves (until it sinks in) that they should not be the ideal that we feel we have to live up to.  What you see on an Instagram page or on Facebook are someone’s selected pictures (for full timers, they usually include makeup and hair artists and are shot by a photographer); they don’t tell it all.  Even for people like me that try to be authentic in their posts, the pictures only tell you so much.  They don’t tell you about my eight year old’s anxiety attack that led to an hour of comforting minutes before I caught her on camera smiling, or the constant fighting between my nine and six-year old that subsided for five minutes for a picture, or the argument that Steve and I had because he brought home the wrong kind of pizza right before we snapped a photo together (BTW, the stupidity of husband-wife fights becomes so much more obvious when you write them down on paper).  In fact, they don’t really tell you all that much, at all.  When you see these things, you have to remind yourself that they are just a few moments in someone’s day and they can be very staged. 

Some moms are fashionable and more put together.  Some moms are amazing decorators or bakers.  Some moms are super patient and great teachers.  Some moms have killer Instagram pages.  And some moms (ME!) are great moms despite not being particularly good at any of these things.  Although it’s nice, it really isn’t important if you have beautiful pictures to post.  What really matters is that you have happy kids who know what it feels to be loved and cared for.  That is literally all that matters.  All.  That.  Matters.  If you are getting that even a little bit right, it’s time to cut yourself some slack.  We all won’t be “Instagram-worthy” or “pinterest-worthy” moms.  I’m not most of the time (I have my moments)!  In fact, I am a prime candidate for that show Nailed It (if you haven’t watched it yet, I HIGHLY recommend it).  No matter what your Instagram looks like, I encourage all of you to share your REAL stories with other moms, for your sanity and theirs.  Don’t polish it up.  Don’t make it sound like you have it all together and that your kids are angels (unless you are the unicorn of moms and they really are).  In your real life, be the real-life mom.  I think it will be the only way we all start to cut ourselves a break! 

For all of you moms who also get Instagram-envy from time to time, I get it.  Just don't let it make you feel bad about being you.  If you had the same resources and artistic vision, you could snap a pic like that too.  And if you still feel bad, just think about this keepin' it real mama.  My real-life moment is me sitting on a beach in New Hampshire, surrounded by cheap beach toys, wearing a mom-suit and shorts, drinking a juice box, and looking at my kids in their Old Navy hand-me-down swimsuits pushing each other in the water.  Nailed It! 

Until next time…