Who are "THEY"???? The Italian mom's counsel of wisdom.

I have had the pleasure of being raised by a full-blooded Italian mom.  I am not sure if all of you are aware of this, but Italian moms have this secret committee of experts that know EVERYTHING.  No, it’s true!  The members of this committee are top secret and their names can never be revealed.  So the members are just collectively referred to as “they”.  “They” know about everything!  Relationships, kids, finances. “They” are doctors, lawyers, accountants, psychiatrists, plumbers, electricians…you name it, “they” know everything about it.  Despite the fact that I am an accountant and Steve is a lawyer, “they” know A LOT more about accounting and law than we do.  “They” are just so damn smart.  Steve and I joke all the time about this secret committee and how we have been hearing about them for most of our lives (my mother-in-law is Italian too!).  We would love to meet them and for them to impart their wisdom on us!  I always thought that when I became a mom, someone from the committee would contact me (maybe I would be put on some magical email distribution list ?).  But, so far, nothing.  This has lead me to really start to wonder, if “they” don’t tell me what to do...how will I ever know??

Seriously, though, so many of the decisions that I (we, let’s be honest people) make are based on what we hear or read is correct.  We make most of our decisions based what we believe "they" think is right instead of using our own gut instincts.  I can’t tell you how many times I have questioned some approach that I have taken with one of my girls because there is some literature (e.g., website, article, blog, or just the “word on the street”) that says that my decision, no matter how trivial, is detrimental to the well-being of my child.  For example (and I’m just going to put it out there), for a while we let Mia fall asleep in our bed and moved her in to her own bed once she was asleep.  “They” do not approve of this practice, although the reasons range.  I have heard/read that, among other things, “they” believe that this hinders their ability to fall asleep on their own and creates a dependency on our bed that will be difficult to address later.  The strange thing is that, other than what “they” have to say about it, it really doesn’t bother me (or Steve) at all.  Not to mention that it helps her to feel more secure, gets her to sleep faster, and doesn’t in anyway hinder our sleep since we move her well before we go to bed.  Another example, we let Sophia use a pacifier and she is one and a half.  “They” think that this is a horrible habit.  It might ruin her teeth, she won’t learn how to calm herself down without it, and it will delay her speech. But, again, other than what “they” have to say about it, it doesn’t bother me.  I think she is comforted by it, I know she will talk when she’s ready, and I am not worried that she will be going to her prom with it.  But, in both cases, even though my gut is telling me that my decisions are fine, I am still worried about what “they” have to say.

I am still a fairly new mom and never had much experience with kids before my own were born.  So it is fair to say that I really have no idea what I am doing most of the time.   It doesn’t take much to make me question my decisions in that area.  One article, one google search, one news story…two Italian mothers (love you both!!)…all of the conflicting advice is enough to make your head spin.  So, how do I sort through it all?  How do I decide what information is accurate and what is just nonsense?  How do I find out what it is that “they” already seem know?  Truth is, I don’t!   I will have to wing it.  I will have to follow my gut and do what I think it is right, despite what the committee has to say about it. I think at the end of the day, what I feel is right is far more right than what any book, website, or committee tells me is right.  I have to trust that.  Now, as long as I have my mom I will always hear what “they” have to say (not always by choice;) but I can’t let that advice prevent me from doing what I think it right!  You know what “they” say…Trust your instincts!