In hindsight...

It is so easy, especially for me, to get overwhelmed by life.  I am not good at seeing the positives in every nook and cranny.  And Steve…forget about it.  Next to him, I look like freaking Positive Polly.  So let’s just say he is not the one pointing out that my glass is half-full!  It is because of this that I think that we often forget how lucky we are and get grumpy when times get tough (e.g., when we're trying to get out the door to go to work and facing a meltdown because our 1.5 year old just wants to be naked).   We both work really hard and that alone seems to really wear on us.  Outside of work time we have a very chaotic life with 2 toddlers and one on the way and we haven’t totally figured out how to make it all work.  Most days we are living on pure adrenaline, whether from stress or excess caffeine, and just getting through.  I am not saying that I am not loving my life, because in hindsight I am…each day I look back at the day before and think about how great the day was.  The problem is that I am having a hard time appreciating some of those moments while in the moment.  

A perfect example …Mia has poop issue (TMI, I know, but a crucial part of the story).  We give her miralax on a daily basis to “help her along”.  Well, this week we ran out, and she paid the price yesterday.  She tried to poop (unsuccessfully) from 4 in the afternoon to 3 in the morning.  This made for a very long day and even longer night (note to other moms, I NEVER anticipated that being a mom included “birthing” poops…one of the many surprises).  Steve and I were both tired and grouchy and worried.  It is pretty horrible to see one of your babies crying in pain and not being able to do a thing about it…damn you poop!  I was pretty miserable in those moments and just wanting the poop to arrive so we could all go to SLEEP.  And, eventually it did and we did, tired and weary. When Steve and I woke up this morning, thankfully a little later than usual, we laughed about the ridiculousness of what had happened the night before and we were glad that Mia was doing ok.  The memory of the night was actually funny, despite the fact that getting through it was kind of hell.  I feel like this is how I operate quite a bit these days, with delayed joy.  Not sure if this is normal for parents or if I should be forcing myself to cherish those moments as they come.  Is the positive memory enough or do I need to make the experience itself a positive one?

I always feel guilt the next day when I am laughing about a situation that I couldn't find humor in, in the moment.  I certainly could avoid a lot of negative feelings of frustration and angst.  If I could only move myself in to that "next day" frame of mind I could manage those moments so much better.  But, so far I haven't figured out how to do that...these bits of wisdom always seem to escape me when I am up at 2 in the morning encouraging a toddler to "just get it out".  For now, I am just trying to get through the yucky moments, I'm glad that I get to go through them, and appreciative that I can laugh about them the next morning…and for the rest of my lifeJ  It's all of these stories that will be told and retold as my kids grow up.  Let's be real, people aren't recalling to their kids the story about the great and uneventful day when nothing happened and everyone cooperated.  There's no story in that (so sorry to all of you parents with perfect kids).  At least Steve and I will have lots to tell them about.  So, I don't have the answers or the resolution but I do know one thing, never will I ever again forget to buy poor Mia miralax!